Sometimes it feels like the grieving cycle associated with parenting a special needs child never ends. Just when you feel like you’ve accepted your reality and settled into your “normal” something triggers those feelings of grief. Grief that your child may never walk, become potty trained, communicate, etc. We grieve the loss of a “normal” childhood, and the grief (selfish grief) that we may forever be parenting a child with the abilities of a toddler. We struggle with the reality that although God does have the ability to bring healing to our special needs child, He may choose not to.
For me this was especially true when friends would post videos on Facebook of their babies taking first steps. It was heartbreaking for me to have a 2-3 year old child still struggling to sit up on her own and watch other babies walking. I never said anything. It was perfectly normal for these parents to be excited and rejoicing in their child’s accomplishments. After all, I would be doing the same exact thing. The last thing I wanted to do was rain on their parade, so I suffered in silence. While I was happy for them, it also brought back all the grieving feelings I first felt when Ladybug was diagnosed. I was frustrated Ladybug was not reaching these milestones after countless hours of therapy. I was jealous other children half her age were accomplishing things that seemed like a pipe dream to us.
We’ve prayed countless times that God would heal Ladybug of her Cerebral Palsy. This has also gone in cycles from believing with all my heart that He was going to heal her, to giving up on the idea all together. I still firmly believe that God has the ability to heal her, and will continue to pray this for her. However, God has reminded me of a simple truth. He WILL heal her. It might not be during her time here on Earth. But someday, when God calls her home she will be walking (or running/dancing/skipping/doing cartwheels) through the big pearly gates. She will in time be completely healed from her earthly body.
“It is the same way with the resurrection of the dead. Our earthly bodies are planted in the ground when we die, but they will be raised to live forever. Our bodies are buried in the brokenness, but they will be raised in glory. They are buried in weakness, but they will be raised in strength. They are buried as natural human bodies, but they will be raised as spiritual bodies. For just as there are natural bodies, there are also spiritual bodies.” ~ 1 Corinthians 15:42-44
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