“Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending reckless love of God. Oh, it chases me down fights til I’m found leaves the ninety-nine.” These are lyrics from a worship song “Reckless Love” by Cory Asbury we sang at Church this past weekend. The song references the parable told by Jesus in Luke chapter 15. In the parable, a shepherd has 100 sheep and one gets lost. The shepherd leaves the other 99 sheep in search of the one that is lost. The lesson Jesus was teaching is that heaven rejoices over one lost person who returns to God. God’s love is so great for us that he will leave 99 righteous to seek out the one who is lost and hurting.
A Common Problem With Special Needs and the Church
While my husband and I were in the sanctuary singing this song, a song about not leaving even one lost person behind, our daughter who has special needs was next door being removed from children’s ministry.
Instead of searching for a way to keep her with the “99” she was the one cast out. Quite the opposite of what we were singing about. I wish I could say it was the first time this happened, I wish I could say it’ll be the last. But I can tell you I am heartbroken for my daughter. Not only am I heartbroken for our daughter, but for every individual with a disability who tries to attend church but finds the church isn’t exactly welcoming them with open arms.
My Goal With This Post
We have been attending our church for about 7 years now. I am not going to spend a lot of time on our experiences and share every story with you because that is not the point of this post. The point of this post is to speak to the church and the Christian community as a whole. I also have no desire to paint our church in a bad light as they are doing some amazing things. However, I feel some background is needed to demonstrate that I know what I’m talking about.
To be honest, I’ve been wanting to write this post as long as I’ve been blogging but I’ve been too chicken. I’ve been afraid of offending individuals in our church and making them feel I’m just using to my blog to complain when I don’t get my way. However, after a lot of prayer and consideration for the sake of the church as a whole, and the sake of the special needs community, it’s time for this to be said.
Our Experiences
When we began attending our church, Ladybug was a toddler. Children’s ministry consisted of adults supervising the children while they played. She could do that, no big deal. As she grew older though things changed. Now she fell into age groups where children’s ministry consisted of worship, lessons, structured activities, and crafts. At this point, I started to voice my concerns with our pastors over the lack of accommodations. Sometimes they would come up with an idea to help, but it was never consistent would only last a couple weeks.
I expressed my concerns over her mental health and how it must be making her feel always sitting on the sidelines watching as others played games. I explained that if she’s going to participate in a craft or game she needs one on one help. While I was listened to, nothing lasting was done to change the situations.
There have been several occasions where Ladybug had been removed from the group because of her behaviors made it difficult for the lesson to be taught. While I understand the difficulty that this brings up, is it really ok that Ladybug doesn’t get to hear the lesson? If she needs to be pulled from the larger group why can’t she still be taught the lesson with a small handful of kids (so she’s not singled out)? Why is it the answer is always to remove and ignore the problem rather than addressing the fact that there is a precious little girl who has just as much need to learn about Jesus than the others remaining in the room full of kids?
When The Special Needs Community Is Cast Aside at Church
I will be the first to admit that when an individual with special needs is added to a group it can be difficult to accommodate them. Especially when things like children’s programs are primarily run by volunteers.
Is it hard? Yes.
Can it be inconvenient? Yes.
Is it ok to just brush them aside and let them observe from the sidelines? No, absolutely not.
Let’s think this through for a moment. When we are sending those who are different than the room full of typical kids away from the group what message are we sending? First, we’re telling that individual with special needs that they don’t matter. We’re telling them that their lives/souls/hearts are not worth the hassle of ministering to.
We’re also sending a message to all the other kids that it’s ok to cast these individuals out. Our leadership needs to be willing to make an effort to educate themselves on special needs and implement strategies to make church accommodating. If they don’t, how do we expect the children watching to act any different?
The example they’re seeing is that it’s ok to exclude those who are different than you. Although unintentional, while teaching our children about Jesus’ love we are showing them it’s ok not to show love to those with disabilities. Worse yet, because it’s happening in a church setting they assume that this is ok.
Everyone, Including Those with Special Needs, Need to Know The Love of Jesus
Special needs or not, our children are just that, children. They are God’s child just like all the other children. They still need Jesus, still need to be loved, still need to know that they are an indispensable part of the body of Christ.
#Specialneeds or not, our children are just that, children. They are God's child just like all the other children. They still need Jesus, still need to be loved, still need to know that they are an indispensable part of the… Click To TweetI hope every Christian reading this article is nodding their head in agreement. I wonder, however, how many of those agreeing with me (other than parents of special needs children) have done anything about it? Have those in leadership listened to the parent’s concerns? Have they even asked parents the best way to care for their child? Is the church willing to do the hard things in order to include everyone who walks through their doors?
I can tell you that from both my own experiences and experiences shared with me by others across the nation, the answer is no. The church as a whole needs to take action on this issue.
The Church Needs to See Those with Disabilities As A Child of God
No matter how our bodies and brains have been created, we all have one thing in common. We were all created by God. We are all His children. Some of us may have brains that process information differently than a typical person. Some of us may have limbs that don’t work the same as most. Does this mean they are not created by God as one of His children? No. So why does the church treat those created differently different?
“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mohter’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – how well I know it. As I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!” – Psalm 139:13-17
Does this passage speak only to those whose bodies are “normal”? No, God sees us all as precious, He formed us all in our mother’s womb. Some of us were just created a little differently, but his thoughts are precious for all of us. It’s time the church sees this as well. It’s time we treat every individual who walks through the doors of a church with the same love, respect, and dignity.
Advocating for Inclusion at Church Shouldn’t Be So Hard
I have spent the last 9 years advocating for our children with special needs. I have fought with the county, insurance companies, and school district. Many of these battles have been hard. For example, when our daughter who cannot walk was seven, our insurance company told us that a wheelchair wasn’t medically necessary!
Through all of these fights, none have been as difficult as fighting for inclusivity at church. Why? Why is it so hard for the church? After all, this is where we should experience the most love. This is where we should feel the hands and feet of Jesus ministering to our family. Our WHOLE family.
Let’s Be The Hands and Feet of Jesus
So why is this area so hard for the church?
Often the argument is that the church is operating with volunteers and they just don’t have the manpower. Today, I’m going to call you out. This is ridiculous. It’s not a matter of not having enough volunteers, it’s a matter of not wanting to make this a priority.
If lack of volunteers is really an issue, reorganize how you’re using volunteers. Is serving coffee to everyone who comes in the door more important than actually ministering to the special needs community? If you answered yes, we have bigger problems here. But if you answered no, then stop serving coffee. Move the volunteers who were serving coffee to other areas so you do have the manpower to minister into the lives of those who are so loved by God.
Will you have some upset people about the missing coffee? Sure, but you can turn it into a teachable moment for everyone in the congregation. And, I’m willing to bet that if the coffee disappeared you would suddenly find yourself with more volunteers to bring the coffee back.
If pastors and leaders were to choose to make special needs ministry a priority for the church, it would be done. It shouldn’t be a matter of will we, it should be a matter of how we will. If church leaders were to stand up and say this is important, these are individuals created by God, these are people who deserve better, these are people who need Jesus just as much as the person sitting next to you, then we will see a revolution within the church. Then we will see a community of people who have been cast aside and looked over become a community being loved and cherished. No longer seen as different but as equals in the body of Christ.
What Does Jesus Say?
“And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’
Then the king will turn to those on the left and say, ‘Away with you, you cursed ones, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his demons. For I was hungry, and you didn’t feed me. I was thirsty, and you didn’t give me a drink. I was a stranger, and you didn’t invite me into your home. I was naked and you didn’t give me clothing. I was sick and in prision, and you didn’t visit me.’
Then they will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry or thirst or a stranger or naked or sick or in prision, and not help you?’ And he will answer, ‘I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.’” – Matthew 25:40-45
Ministering to those with special needs is not a matter of being “called to special needs ministry”. Jesus commands us all to serve the least of these.
Our Lives Will Be Enriched From Learning From Those with Special Needs
I don’t know of a single person who has been actively involved in the life of an individual with special needs whos life wasn’t enriched for having that relationship. People with special needs will teach you so many lessons and open your eyes to a whole other world. If you let Him, God will teach you so much through these amazing people.
Much of Jesus’ ministry during his time on earth was ministering to the sick, poor, lame, blind….in other words. Jesus was intentional about ministering to individuals who had special needs. Why isn’t the church following Jesus’ example? Why is it that instead of meeting the needs of the special needs community they are being cast aside because they don’t fit into the comfortable little box we’ve created.
We would all be better off if we started looking at individuals with special needs through the eyes of Jesus rather than seeing an inconvenience. It’s time for the church to stand up and stop turning a blind eye to this community loved and created by God.
Amen sister! We left the institutional church 5 years ago, after feeling judged and not supported. I used to sit in the car after church as our son couldn’t sit quiet after for coffee time, home groups were just TOO hard and I felt we didn’t fit the comfortable little box church wanted. They totally missed the point of sharing God’s love. We occasionally get together with other Christians but feel lonely and disconnected, not sure what else to do other that teach our children about God in our daily actions in Oz. Thank you for speaking up!
I’m so sorry this has been your experience. I know you’re not alone in feeling this way. My prayer is that through awareness the church will start to make the change so someday we can all feel at home when we attend.
Our son is now 19. We were blessed to have some Sunday school teachers who really made an effort to include him! We had one who would wear the craziest shoes or glasses because it would keep our sones attention. She would get him to help and even have him stand up and help “teach” her lesson. She was amazing, and I will be messaging her after this to thank her for loving him as Christ loves him!
We also had some teachers that just didn’t know what to do or feel comfortable around him. One incident stands out in my mind. There were not enough colouring sheets so she decided to forgo giving one to our son because he “onky scibbled on them anyways. “. There were many occasions where I would come downstairs and find our son wandering the halls and his teacher had no idea he had even left the classroom. That is when we knew we needed to keep him with us for his safety. At least through that grade.
Being a parent to a child with special needs is always about advocacy, even in the church.
Your blog will strike a chord for sure! Thank you for your honesty, studying and advocacy for these precious children.
wandering the halls without the teacher noticing several times? yikes, that’s not ok! That’s so awesome the other teacher went out of her way to include your child.
Awareness raising needs to be done by those withb experience, for example parents, siblings, those who live and or work eitwith children or adults with special nees.. As a now retired, Additional Support Needs Teacher I have also been (and still am) a Catechist for First Sacraments and Children”s Liturgy in The Highlands of Scotland. So step forward and Volunteer and become a Catechist or offer to provide some “Awareness Raising Training” or sit alongside your child during classes. Help to produce some visual , tactile and audio resources which you know will work for your child and similar peers.
I’m a senior disabled now. This is an age old problem of inclusion. My life long experiences of churches is not a good one. Finally just gave up and no longer even try to “belong”. It wasn’t that I wasn’t welcome, it is that my faith was always questioned. “If your faith was stronger you would be healed” (I had polio at age two and had paralysis in my left leg and hip. I used crutches and a full leg brace, then went into motorized chair. My disability was physical. Then I lost all hearing in left ear, residual of polio as I initially was totally paralyzed on all of left side. So I had visible and invisible disabilities) I was raised in Catholic religion, then at age 29 switched to Baptist due to situation with parish priest. Stayed with Baptist for about 15 years. I volunteered at both but never felt fully accepted. Never felt I could truly belong. People were mostly nice, but just never felt included. But truth is Bible is full of scripture where unclean are excluded. Not allowed into temple. Or stories of healing. Was it the fault of Father or son, man was blind and not healed. Neither. It was to test the faith of others. Personally my faith is still very intact. I have experienced many miracles, as in life and death situations, but have not had “physical healing of disabilities”. I know God loves me even if all his followers do not. My greatest love from God came to me via my parents, my spouse and child. They are with God now and I’m eagerly waiting for my turn.
I am so sorry of your experiences, being physically healed is not a matter of how much faith you have, nor is having a disability a result of someone’s sin. I love that you haven’t let these untrue beliefs along with the way you were treated by the church change your faith in God, that’s where it really matters.
I could feel your heart as you wrote these things. I have experienced much of what you have talked about and i am also seeing others rally around my child and others now. I hope others begin to take notice and begin to volunteer. It is SUCH a reward to volunteers, leaders, parents and children!!
Hi… This is so amazing, I’m @ a loss for words. Thus was the very discussion my husband and I had because we have an Autistic son of 13 and can’t bring him along too church because inclusion is excluded in our church. It’s very difficult and delicate situation… Thank you for sharing…
it is a very difficult and delicate situation. I hope you’re able to find a church more accomodating
Navigating the unseen side of special needs children has left me feeling alone and isolated. When I stumbled across your blog today A sense of friendship came over me. I felt like I found a mother like me. Hooray!! Thank you for your thoughts, raw and real truths and sense of humour! You’ve been a real blessing!
Awe thank you Michelle, glad you found me online community is great for SN parents!
We had a really hard time with church for the longest time … I’d leave more depressed and feeling isolated & the differences between our son and others was highlighted and he just didn’t fit into their expectations or mold (sitting quietly in a circle / table). It became clearer each Sunday that we couldn’t be part of the local church community and our son was a major inconvenience. Last year, my doctor told me that his church had started a special needs program that he thought could work with our son. They hired a director that has a background in OT / Special Needs and amazing heart. This program has been the most significant blessing in our already exhausted and challenging life. The director and volunteers have been absolutely amazing. My son can be extra challenging in new environments (severe autism) and they have dug in to learn about him and try new things. It’s a ministry that every community should have to truly serve families in need (at least one church option). Every Sunday we are blessed to have a place to attend church together. I’m glad others are talking about this, because it was a real struggle for our family and I wasn’t sure if we’d ever go to church together as a family.
I love this! Your church is leading by example!
Thank you for sharing what many of us with children with special needs are afraid to say out loud.
Oh my goodness, yes! I can relate to so much of this. Our church does have a special needs ministry with volunteers. My struggle is that even though it’s well intentioned, the ministry is separate from the rest of the classes. With it being a smaller church, my so is the. Isolated from the group if we choose to use the ministry. It’s for sure a missed opportunity of teaching our youngster that Jesus loved and included everyone… especially those who didn’t “have it all together”
It depends on the circumstances of the separation. Some kids are excited and loud. It is better to have three kids/adults to staff. Church is a great place for Christian Special Ed Majors to begin hands on teaching with kids. They will learn how each kid communicates.
Being a special need person with mental dionoise.I am encouraged to learn of a group reaching out to special needs people.
Special Needs ministry can be such a blessing to your church. I am the coordinator of our Special Needs Faith Formation class at my church. Although we do have separate classes, it really does fit for everyone. We have teen mentors that teach each child. So every student coming into our program has an instant “friend”. They are in classrooms (about 4 groups of student/teen mentors). Our classrooms are not set up as “classrooms” as sometimes school can have a negative connotation. We want our students to enjoy learning our the Lord. These teen mentors are AMAZING. They come every Sunday morning with a lesson that they have tailored to their student. We encourage learning in different ways (sometimes throwing a ball in the hallway works, other times learning with Legos, other times crafts work well). Every student and every week are different. It allows my students to be able to work as quickly or slowly as they need to. It teaches our teens self confidence, acceptance, and how to make things work for others. While our students are in class, we have a parent room. My parents are free to do whatever they need (take a nap, read, work, sit in quiet or enjoy each other’s companionship). Once a month I run a parent meeting to discuss things that my parents have asked to talk about. Some things regarding faith, but mostly just things that they need help/advice about. It is an amazing program. And though the children are in their own classes, it runs at the same time that typical religious educations classes are being run. If anyone wants to know more about this program, please feel free to contact me. I’d love to give you more details. Every child deserves and is entitled to get to know and have a relationship with our Lord. ([email protected])
Hi Michele, I’m a speech-language pathologist, and I am wondering about the availability of Bible-based curriculum and ministry materials adapted for kids with special needs. Do you know if anything like that currently exists?
Thanks!
I’m 53 years old now. I have never felt welcomed to any church. I was born with many handicaps
All but two. I have achieved much in my life. I saw at a early age that we were weren’t all created equal when it comes to us being born in this world. When I was a child of 8 years old I was at a church run campus up in the N.C. mountains that since I was born with a twisted small clubfoot that I didn’t deserve being treated like everyone else. On my first night in the cabin that 8 other boys were housed with me. When we all went to bed in our bunks. Soon as the lights were turned off I suddenly felt something wet on my face. Then I felt more wetness on my face. I could hear the other boy’s spitting on me. I pulled my head underneath the covers until the spitting stopped. After awhile I got up and slipped out of the cabin and walked up to the top of the campus and went to the open door church. The church was always left open to those that wanted to pray during the daylight hours. I had my sleeping bag with me. But it was too wet from all the spittage on it for me to use as cover. I found a blanket folded up on one of the benches at the altar. I felt safe there sleeping in that church that night. The next morning I could hear people calling my name. I didn’t move from my bench until three pastors found me. I told them what had happened to me thst night. I know I had a much nicer time that week spending time with those three pastors. They all said that should never had happened and they made sure all of the parents were told and the churches of those boys were told of what happened that week. Rick
Yes, flexible age grouping could solve a host of issues. Also having a place where families could worship with streaming would be helpful. I appreciate that volunteers can’t always help, or know how to-that’s literally why we need 1:1 therapy 40 hours plus parent training even our insurance recognizes and fully pays, so why can’t church? Streaming Sunday school or other groups, would also help. It’s not always possible to do things in the traditional ways but some small tweaks could make a world of difference. Some amount of understanding would be helpful also, if a child needs to do lessons on an iPad that should be acceptable.
Hi! I just came across this blog through Pinterest & this post piqued my interest, considering the church I attend works very closely with individuals with special needs. Im not a parent, but I have as sister with a specific learning disability, and witnessing her experiences growing up got me interested in serving in the special needs community. I actually volunteer at my church with children with special needs, mostly children on the autism spectrum. After demand 10+ years ago (I’m not sure exactly when) by parents of children with special needs, my church created a Special Needs Ministry. It has an official designated area with classrooms and an office just like the mainstream children’s ministry. PRwnts wanted it because they felt even accommodations in the kids’ ministry weren’t enough for their children due to their learning and behavior differences. So this ministry was created to minister to these children & also to challenge them to grow mentally, physically, emotionally, etc. on top of spiritually through a variety of learning activities, games, exercises, etc. We host Sunday Wchool, VBS, and a variety of events like ‘Buddy Breaks’ where volunteers pair with a child and play with them for the day while their parents take a day off or get some errands done. There is an adult special needs ministry, and a children’s one (which is where I volunteer). This is just an idea, and one I haven’t really seen at other churches! I would love for this to become more commonplace in churches. Our special needs ministry also hosts our sign language interpreters that sign all of our pastor’s sermons live. This special needs ministry may only work for larger churches (that have more of a demand for such due to the sheer number of members); however, it’s something I wanted to share that worked at my church.
This is why I no longer go to church. We got a letter from the last church we attended regularly. They asked us not to send Samara to Sunday School unless she was with a paid carer. Mind you, I had NEVER sent her to Sunday School. I always went with her. And this was with a Sunday School teacher who was a special needs teacher during the week.
I have found churches and “Christians” the worst at inclusion or helping one another. I wrote a blog post on this many years ago now. And it still hurts to my core.