There are a few things that get under my skin when it comes to how people interact with our special needs child.  One of those things is when people start talking or asking questions about her, as if she isn’t right next to me sitting in her wheelchair.  I hate it when people will look at her, then look at me and start to talk about her.  I understand her communication skills are not up to the standard you would like when engaging in a conversation, but that does NOT means she doesn’t understand!  She wants you to talk to her, not over her.

Imagine with me you’re out to lunch with two other friends.  Your friends start to look at you then back at each other.  The whole time you’re out for lunch they are having a conversation about you.  They’re talking as if you’re not even there.  You hear everything, comprehend everything, want to give your opinion but they don’t invite you into the conversation.  How does that make you feel?  Pretty crummy huh?

I know none of you reading this would ever dream of being so rude when out to lunch with your friends, but can I tell you something?  This is exactly what you are doing to the special needs community when you bypass that individual and talk directly with their parent/caregiver.  Before you start trying to defend your behavior, yes I acknowledge that not all special needs individuals can open their lips and speak an answer.  But some might speak through sign language, a communication device, eye gazes, or verbally.  You might not understand what they are telling you, but that is when you invite the caregiver/parent to interpret for you.

When it comes to lady bug, I will often lean over repeat the question offer an answer and ask if I’m right.  They way I can answer the question with words she may not be able to say yet, but I give her the opportunity to agree or disagree with me.  If the answer I would give consist of words she can say, I will ask her to answer for herself.  In these situations I will lean over ask her the question, if she doesn’t respond right away I might ask again by stating the question differently.  For example if someone asks what kind of books she likes, I don’t necessarily answer right away but will ask Ladybug.  If she doesn’t respond right away I might say “Do you like Pete the Cat books or do you like Superman books?” and then she will answer “Pete the Cat”.

talk to special needs child

Our special needs children still have brains.  They can still process information, have feelings and emotions just like you do.  If every social encounter you had were like the above lunch example, how long would it be before you felt emotionally defeated?  How long before our special needs children give up on trying to communicate?  At what point would you just not care anymore, possibly fall into depression?

On the flip side of the coin, how uplifting is it when someone engages in a conversation with you?  It doesn’t take long to be lifted up when you feel others are genuinely trying to know you better.

So my challenge for you today is be intentional with your conversations with special needs individuals.  Ask questions and talk to them beyond what their disability is.  Talk to them as an individual.  You’ll probably find out you have more in common than you think!